Fighting early-onset, stage 3 rectal cancer
Goodbye cancer, hello LARS
Seconds later, I felt a subtle, tiny twinge in my bowels. Over the past few months, I’ve learned that this twinge is the equivalent of that flashing light and loud “ENHHH” sound you hear at an airport baggage carousel.
Blueberries
A few days later, I found myself in a tiny office lying on my side, fully clothed with Tina’s hands on my bottom. Tina was likely in her 30’s, dressed like your average physical therapist in workout gear and sneakers. Her sandy blond hair pulled back without fuss. “Bear down,” she said authoritatively.
The business of cancer
Jewelry with “Fuck cancer” written in morse code. “Fuck cancer” socks. “Chemo Kits for the fighters, survivors, and thrivers.” And quite possibly my favorite, a hoodie with “Cancer chose the wrong bitch” on the front.
8 IV chemo treatments, 2 weeks apart
I started going for IV treatments at the end of January. Every other Wednesday. They told me to plan to be there about 3, 3 and a half hours. Covid was peaking again. I didn't want my parents, family, or friends putting themselves at risk to come in and sit with me, so I went each time alone.
Fuck cancer
I can only speak for myself, and I’ve been told more than once my brain’s a bit wonky, but “Fuck Cancer” isn’t how I feel about having stage 3 rectal cancer. Saying “Fuck Cancer” isn’t for me, someone who has it. It’s for those who don’t.
Your oncology team… Are they any good?
My mother’s opinion is clear. She wants me to live with them while getting cancer treatment in NH. The alternative is to stay in Boston either at my condo or with friends and get treatment there. My friends are team Boston, knowing it’s home to some of the country’s best doctors and hospitals.
Nothing compares to…
Since I was seventeen, I've wondered if I could pull off the Sinead O'Connor look. After my second IV chemo treatment, I woke up one morning and discovered about a dozen hairs on my cream colored pillowcase. I ran my right hand through my hair. More. I probably did it another five times with the same results.
Chemo side effects: “everybody is different”
My mom and I are sitting in an exam room with the oncology nurse practitioner, Karen, a member of my oncology team. (You get a whole team when you’re diagnosed with cancer.) Mama has a paper and pen at the ready as the nurse talks about the first phase of my treatment, iv chemo.
The tumor—where it’s at
I had my colonoscopy on Friday, December 3rd. Right after the procedure my gastroenterologist told me I had rectal cancer. That’s all he knew. He could see the cancer on the surface of the rectal wall. I needed to schedule a CT scan and an MRI to find out more.
What they didn’t say… cancer
The blood started showing up in late August. Didn’t hurt. There it just was with my stool and on the toilet paper. Back in my late twenties I had hemorrhoids. There’d been blood then. Prolly something similar I’d thought. They said it could be hemorrhoids, colitis, polyps, some kind of inflammation or growth...